🌿 Gestalt Contact Styles: How We Connect (or Don’t)

In Gestalt therapy, contact refers to the way we meet ourselves, others, and the world around us. It’s not just about talking—it’s how we emotionally, physically, and mentally engage with life moment to moment. Sometimes we connect fully and openly. Other times, we interrupt or avoid contact—often without even realising.

These interruptions are called contact styles, and they often develop as protective strategies when we feel overwhelmed, unsafe, or unsure. They can become habitual patterns that affect how we relate in everyday life. The five common contact styles are:

1. Retroflection – Holding energy or emotion in, rather than expressing it. (“I want to scream, but I turn it inward and tense up instead.”)

2. Projection – Attributing our own thoughts or feelings to someone else. (“I feel angry, but I accuse you of being hostile.”)

3. Introjection – Taking in beliefs or rules from others without questioning. (“I always put others first—because I believe that’s what a ‘good’ person does.”)

4. Confluence – Losing the boundary between self and other. (“I don’t know what I want, I just go along with others.”)

5. Deflection – Avoiding direct contact, often through humour, distraction, or vagueness. (“Let’s not go there—look at the time!”)

These styles aren’t “bad”—they were often necessary at some point. But in therapy, we gently bring awareness to them, so you can choose how you want to connect now. That’s where healing and change happen.

✨ Gestalt therapy helps you notice these patterns, explore them with curiosity, and move toward more authentic, present, and nourishing contact—with yourself and others.