Part 2 - When Teens Shut Down: Understanding Social Withdrawal and Shame

Part 2 in our series on teen withdrawal through a Gestalt therapy lens

Adolescence is full of change, emotional ups and downs, shifting friendships, and growing independence. For most teenagers, these changes are challenging but manageable. They find support in creativity, friendships, and new experiences. But for some, the pressure becomes too much, and instead of growing outward, they begin to turn inward and pull away from the world.

This blog continues our look at social withdrawal in teens, this time exploring how modern expectations, shame, and self-image play a role.

Why are some teens more affected than others?

Many of today’s teens grow up with messages that focus on success, image, and being special. While confidence is important, some young people are given big hopes to live up to, without the emotional tools to manage failure or self-doubt. When they hit the struggles of adolescence, the gap between who they thought they’d be and who they feel they are can be deeply painful.

Social media adds more pressure. Teens often compare themselves to others and feel they’re falling behind. They might feel they have to be beautiful, talented, or popular to matter. For some, this becomes too much, and rather than risk failure or embarrassment, they slowly step away. First from social events, then school, then friendships.

The role of shame

Today, shame often shows up not because a teen has done something wrong, but because they feel they haven’t done enough. There’s less shame in showing off, but deep shame in trying and not being admired, or even noticed.

In Gestalt therapy, we see shame as something that happens in relationships. It’s the feeling of not being “enough” in the eyes of others. Many teens who withdraw do so to protect themselves from being seen and judged. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they care deeply, and it feels too painful to risk being vulnerable.

A real example

One teenager, Roberta, wanted to be liked and accepted. But after many painful experiences, she became anxious and full of shame. Eventually, she stopped trying. She began avoiding others and stayed in her room. From a Gestalt point of view, she was trying to protect her emotional health by hiding, even though it meant missing out on life.

What can help?

Often, parents notice something is wrong and try to fix it. They might push their teen to go out or go back to school. But this can miss the deeper truth, that withdrawal is often a sign of distress, not laziness.

In Gestalt therapy, we focus on building connection and understanding first. We create a safe space where teens can feel seen and supported, without pressure. With time, therapy can help them rebuild their confidence, explore their feelings, and find their way back into relationships and the world.

Parents also play an important role. With support, they can learn to see their child’s withdrawal in a new way, not as failure, but as a call for help.

If you’re concerned about a teenager in your life, support is available.

Visit www.terrasoultherapies.com.au or email me at terrasoultherapies@gmail.com to learn more or book a session.

You’re not alone. There is a way forward—gently, one step at a time.

Book Reference:

Lipani, M. (2022). Adolescence in eclipse: Notes for the labyrinth of social withdrawal. In G. Salonia (Ed.), Psychopathology of the situation in Gestalt therapy: A field-oriented approach (pp. 157-172). Routledge.